So many men have took my hand and so many of them left me for the land

Okay, here's a convention of books and movies that I'm freakin' sick of... we've all seen scenes that go something like this:

MAIN PERSON- Whew! I rescued you from the Evil Bad Guy and foiled the evil plot that occurred about 5/8ths through the story, centering on the fact that I care about you deeply, though I've never said it out loud!
MAIN PERSON'S LOVE INTEREST- You sure did rescue me! I can say it out loud now: I love you. Kiss me and let us face the Evil Bad Guy... together!... as a couple in mad, passionate love!
MAIN PERSON- ......... no! It can never be! If the Evil Bad Guy knew how I felt, he'd use you against me! Therefore, despite the fact that I'm clearly in love with you and you're clearly in love with me, AND the fact that the Evil Bad Guy is savvy enough to realize it, even before I did, I'm going to walk away and lament my lot in life until I find the inner strength to blah blah blah blah blah...

I'm sick of it.

My question is this- if the bad guy gets the not-significant-other-cause-they're-not-dating and kills them, is that gonna make it less painful? Has there ever been a protagonist going "Well, thank god we stopped seeing each other and had never been officially dating, otherwise their death would send me into a downward spiral of guilt and self-loathing!"

Furthermore, has there ever been a bad guy who's gone "Bwahahaha! They love each other! Excellent! They shall make wonderful bait for this trap full of starving, crazed weasels with... wait, what?... they've decided not to date? Shit. Did they change their FB relationship status? If they haven't, we've still got... Oh. Shit... Alright... Hey, hey guys! Call it off, okay? New plan. They're not dating anymore!"

I didn't think so.

When I was a child, the Devil himself brought me a mic

[[This comes to us from my very own Facebook page, from a note that I wrote on the 11th of March, 2012. In light of Todd Akin's "legitimate rape" comment (fun fact- I can't type "legitimate rape" without my vision clouding over in sheer rage), it seemed appropriate to post it here as well. The emphasis in the post is added, but my own]]

"Every once in a while, though not as often as one might think, given my rampant misanthropy, I get pensive and wonder why America is worth defending. Now, don't misinterpret. I'm not about to put on my revolutionary hat and start advocating the overthrow of the government or bullshit like that. But sometimes I simply can't understand why, past my deep and abiding love for my friends, family, and the glorious potential that our nation has, why we shouldn't just throw in the towel and let it go to hell. Today is one of those days.

It all started in the Twitterverse, where someone posted a comment regarding Gary Trudeau, whose strip this week apparently discusses the sonogram bills passed by Virginia and Texas (http://www.texastribune.org/texas-legislature/2011-abortion-sonogram-bill/tx-and-va-sonogram-bills-faced-different-challenge/). The comment was as follows: "So Gary Trudeau can't tell the difference between rape and a sonogram. A penis forced into one of his orifices would help him figure it out."

For today's fun fact- the writer of that tweet is a police officer. I'll come back to that.

My first burst of rather unintelligible rage came from the fact that I know that person is a police officer. So, what you're telling me, jackass, is that nothing except a penis constitutes rape? The most brutal and unwanted application of anything even remotely phallic but it still won't be rape unless it's a penis? Awesome. Hope I'm never attacked whilst in your jurisdiction, fuckbag.

The second, and decidedly more focused piece of raging that I have to offer this thus-- what fucking world do we live in that I, as a 28 year old, living, breathing, cognizant HUMAN FUCKING BEING am no longer to be given the option to forego or participate in whatever medical procedure I see fit? Holy fucking shitsnacks, do you people not see what a dangerous fucking precedent this is?!

Of course no one sees it. No one cares what happens to women.

The only way we could care less about this precedent that we're setting is if it was happening to women in Africa. That's a double-no-care zone.

Now, if I know anything about me when I'm rage-y, I'll get to the women's issue part of this in a moment. Let's just talk about the fact that two state governments have decided that women who want abortions must get transvaginal ultrasounds. Not "They have to be offered the option", not "Doctors must tell them that this procedure exists", not "Doctors can recommend transvaginal ultrasounds." No. You want an abortion, you get a transvaginal ultrasound.

But Sarah, what if I don't want a transvaginal ultrasound? What if I just want an abortion?

Sorry, female friends of mine, no one gives a shit what you want. You're just a woman. Obviously you're a whore (otherwise why would you need an abortion) and everyone knows whores can't think. Even if you weren't a whore, oh darling female friend of mine, even if you were attacked and raped and impregnated and do not want to bear that child to term, that doesn't matter. You're a woman and therefore incapable of making decisions regarding your own future or body.

Whoops, looks like I got carried away and got to the women's issue part of this a little soon. So before I lose the precedent thread, fucking *THINK* about it for a second. Two state governments just decided that in order to obtain one legal medical procedure, a patient must is compelled to have a superfluous, unnecessary one. If one opts not to have the superfluous procedure, one cannot have the legal medical procedure.

No one sees a problem with the government telling us what medical procedures we must consent to in order to obtain other legal medical procedures? Or that what the government is essentially telling us is that we have no choice; consent or get nothing. Where the sweet fuck does the government get off telling me that they know a goddamned thing about my health better than I do?! I'm not even speaking regarding abortion anymore-- what happens the day that I'm 75 and the years of drinking, whoring, and smoking finally catch up to me and I get cancer? And on that day, I say "You know what, Walsh? You had a good run. No chemo, no drugs. Let's just try and exit this life naturally, as quickly and as gracefully as possible." Then the government shows up to tell me that I'm not allowed to opt out of cancer treatment.

Any government that will limit its peoples' access to LEGAL MEDICAL PROCEDURES!... OF WHICH ABORTION IS ONE, BY THE WAY! I don't give a fuck about what your personal opinion on abortion is. Don't think it should be legal? Fine. You're entitled to think that. But the fact of the matter is that it *IS* legal, so you're just gonna have to come to fucking terms with that and, in the meantime, fuck right off. Christ, I want talking in a movie theatre to be punishable by death, but it isn't. You don't always get what you want, okay?

Now, someone remind me again why I, a twenty-eight year old, living, breathing, cognizant person with a job, a career, a life, and a loaded gun and a loaded missile system issued to me by the United States government, somehow lacks the wherewithal to make a decision about whether or not to follow a pregnancy to term without a transvaginal ultrasound.

You fucks, whether you mean to or not, trust me to make the right choices all the time. For nine months you trusted me never to shoot the wrong person and never to fire missiles unless I was ordered to. And yet, I can't be trusted to decide whether or not I want to have a child. I can be cynical about that to a point, but then I reach that icy-water level of a realization where I start to question what sort of world we live in that ANYONE, especially under the guise of religion, or out of the sentiment of "Well, you did the fuckin', now you're stuck with it", would condemn another human being to minimum 18 years hard labor.

I'm not even going to indulge you in the mealy-mouthed "well, unless it's rape or incest" excuse you spineless, irrational sacks of shit like to throw around. What, only rape or incest makes me into a COGNIZANT FUCKING HUMAN BEING?! Why do I have to be attacked before my uterus is my own? I have to have someone forcibly impregnate me before I get to decide what the fuck happens in my uterus?! Are you goddamned kidding me?! Do you hear how fucking psychotic that sounds?!

We've tread this ground before and, honestly, I could be watching Doctor Who. I paused "Flesh and Stone" to write this because I was so incensed.

To everyone of you who thinks that I don't deserve to choose whether or not I have a child, I can only say "Fuck you." Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Have you lot ever seen those jackass "Infidel" stickers and t-shirts? You better make an equivalent for someone who refuses to bow down to you assholes, including the simple concession of acknowledging your viewpoint as having merit. It doesn't. Suggesting that someone not get an abortion? Valid. Advocating a system where a woman has no choice whatsoever for an abortion? Invalid. I know what my life needs more than YOU know what my life needs.

Before I go, I'll advise everyone to watch the documentary "Soldiers in the Army of God" (it's on YouTube). I saw it when it was on HBO and this video clip, between 6:20 and about 8:00 is almost single-handedly why I became pro-choice after a young adulthood of being pro-life. I realized that I and those fucking psychos were not, and never would be, speaking the same language. They're not pro-life. They're anti-woman. And as hard as I can be on women, and I am, I certainly think we deserve full and unequivocal discretion where our uteruses are concerned.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuTJLUPlJZY

Thus ends my ranting. Even if you're pro-life, think about the precedents that are being set by these ostensibly pro-life measures being implemented. Also, perhaps learn to consider woman as fully cognizant human beings that should never being relegated to the role of mother unless they CHOOSE to be. And ain't that some pro-life shit for you. We don't give a fuck what happens to you, infant, once you're born into a house with a mother who will resent you because she never wanted to bear you to term in the first place. We don't care how hard your life ends up being; you're only important to us when you're a fetus.

Fuck it. Fuck them. And fuck y'all. Texas and Virginia, suck a dick... both for your ridiculous laws, and for the fact that I stopped watching Doctor Who to get this shit off my chest.

I'm a woman, not a criminal, goddammit. A sexually active, intelligent, rational, expert-shot, pissed the fuck off Irish woman. Fuck with me at your own risk."

A white blank page and a swelling rage

Hey.

You got me thinking the other day.

I'll have known you for fifteen years this September. For only four of those did we live in proximity to one another, and I saw you ever day. For the remaining eleven, had it not been for our arriving in relative adulthood at the same time that the internet, followed slowly by social networking, was creeping into our lives like a persistent case of athlete's foot, you and I probably would have gone without speaking except for the occasional high school reunion in five year increments.

I would've preferred that, looking back.

For one thing, I wouldn't be struggling with how to say the things I've so desperately wanted to scream at you, probably while slapping you, because I wouldn't be worried about looking needy, overly sensitive, and weak.

I wouldn't be composing a Martin Luther-style list of grievances in my head, adding one to another to another of ways that you said or did that things fucked me up.

I wouldn't be hating myself for the fact that, 11 years later, like livid bruises on my biceps, your fingerprints are only now beginning to fade from every aspect of my relationships with other people.

How do I even begin to frame this story? Should I start with you being the first boy who had ever paid attention to me, *that* kind of attention, and it was scary and exciting and wonderful and horrible, all at the same time? I had grown up awkward, afraid of my own shadow, but more afraid of people knowing how afraid I was, so I got really good at pretending, pretending that it didn't bother me, pretending that I was fine being alone while all of my friends were going on dates.

I wish that, 11 years later, I could go back and point out to my 17/18 year old self all the clues that my 29 year old self can see so perfectly. I was never at ease with you. Never. I'm still not. Only now it's because, on the odd occasion that I see you, you try to maneuver us into the same power dynamic that once existed and I am well and thoroughly beyond that. I'm not at ease around you because I'm afraid that the damn will crack and I will say everything that I'm writing now.

You paid attention to me. Except when you didn't. You included me in things. Except when you didn't. I have amazing skills for rationalizing. I always found a reason to excuse you.

You asked me to the prom. I was ecstatic. My junior prom date had just been a friend, and we had an exceptional time, but this... this was something else. This was senior prom and I was going to have a date that like, LIKED me, y'know?

You went with another girl. You didn't even tell me. Word got around that you had asked me first and then "changed your mind" and let the high school network get the news back to me. Some of them may have laughed at me but the girl you took, she came and found me and apologized. She told me she had no idea and I believed her then and I believe her now.

I don't know what excuse I made for your behaviour. I'm sure I just said "Fuck it, he doesn't matter" and wrote it off. Or something like that. Whatever excuse I made, it wasn't enough.

AOL Instant Messenger kept us in contact through college. Despite still being skittish about you, I was flattered when you complimented me and looked to you for guidance and advice. You said just enough to be ultimately non-committal and just enough else to make my heart jump a little bit when you talked to me.

Sophomore year, under the influence of more than a bit of cheap vodka, I told you that I thought I loved you. You didn't tell me you loved me as well, but you must've told me just enough to make me happy and giddy as I relayed it to my girlfriends and roommates.

I did not tell them when, not two days after that conversation, you began dating someone else.

I did not tell you when, some weeks later, on a twin XL bed with my arms pinned above my head, my shirt off, his mouth on my breast, and my mind reeling with how good it felt, I asked him to stop because I kept thinking of you.

Age and experience have made me realize that was one part fear of how much I was enjoying what I was feeling and another part an unwillingness to make love for what would've been the first time with someone who wasn't you. I thought I loved you, remember?

I reasoned that the extended periods of silence were the result of a packed college schedule. When it was you did speak to me, you said so many of the right things. You understood my fear of pursuing a life that wasn't my own. You understood my loneliness. You understood my desire to escape. At least I thought you did. Christ, what did I know. I was like, 19.

As I pointed out, without social networking this entire story might be different. I moved away when I was 18 and was never to move back again permanently (nor will I, god as my witness). If you hadn't been able to find me electronically, I bet I could've shaken you a lot sooner. But there you were, in my head, making me wonder if I had been wrong about being angry at you, wondering if I should give you another chance.

The rest of the story is repetition. Sometimes we were a thing, sometimes we were not. You were the first man who ever performed oral sex on me, but not the first man that I had sex with. That was a lot more significant when I was younger.

I cut you out of my life almost entirely when, just after college, just before I left for New York City, my sister and I were having an argument over something that I had written online. Much like this, I found the world of online journals cathartic.

You were angry at me at the time. I remember exactly why, but it isn't important. You were angry at me. My sister knew you from the years of your being around. She talked to you about how she felt, what had happened, and you urged her to start a gigantic fight. You misconstrued my motivations, my intentions, everything, and spun a story to her designed to put a rift between the two of us. I know this not because my sister came to me, but because she had the good sense to question the things you said; she went to my best friend with your reports and comments and my best friend, in turn, came to me.

As livid as I was that you were trying to pit my sister and I against one another because you were angry at me over something completely unrelated, I could justify cutting ties with you, something I had as of yet been unable to do. And when I did that, I had a chance to reflect on everything you had done for me.

You made me suspicious of anyone who seemed interested in me. Some might argue that I let you make me suspicious and that's the other side of the same coin. The end result is the same- I instantly mistrusted anyone who expressed interest in me because I was sure that it was feigned, that they would find something better and discard me.

You were in my head. You were in my head in an awful way, in a way where you used what you found in there against me. Do you know how fucking long it took me to stop being afraid to let people in? It took a solid decade before the question "What are you thinking?" stopped making my heart freeze with fear.

And here is where I feel my fingers type a little faster, where my heart speeds up, where my eyes occasionally prick with tears- I want to scream at you. I want to break my knuckles on your face and scream about how fucked up you left me, how long it took me to realize I was fucked up and begin to fix it.

I want to cry about the opportunities I missed, laboring under some fucked up idea that today might be the day that you came to your senses and became everything I wanted and needed you to be.

There were arms I could've been lying in, arms I wanted to be lying in, arms that wanted to hold me, and I brushed them away and with rare exception, if I didn't do it with you expressly in mind, I did it because I didn't trust them. Something I learned from you. Everyone gets hurt eventually. Every hurt is a lesson. But it took a long time before I realized that there were good sides. I only ever saw the hurt. I trusted you as I learned to navigate an adult world and all you did was steer me back to you and throw me on the rocks when I arrived.

I hate the weaknesses of mine that you exploited.

I hate that I learned to consider a desire to be loved a weakness.

And I hate, HATE, with the burning fiery passion of a thousand suns, the fact that you matter enough still, after fifteen years, that I even feel compelled to write this.

I will never send you this letter. You matter enough that I will write it, not enough that I will send it.

I've done too much learning in the last 6 years, too much rebuilding of the damage that you did to me, to reopen a dialogue now.

Until the next ten year iteration of our high school reunion.

Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me

I was going to begin by ranting about something that's pissed me off today but I found myself using the words "So, this has been pissing me off today" when I realized that no, in fact, it hasn't just pissed me off today. It's pissed me off for a while. What is this crazy thing, you ask, that it could piss me off not just today but most days?

In the first place, that's actually a REALLY long list of possibilities. But I'm going to assume you know me and are in no way surprised by that statement.

Relationships.

To be clear- I like relationships. I like having them, being in them, and I like being around people who have good ones. What I do not like, however, is people who make the same horrible decisions over and over again, who blame THEIR OWN errors in judgment on the other half of their relationship, and then have the audacity to make fucking blanket, self-pitying statements about said other halves of their relationships as if it's some gigantic fucking global conspiracy that results in them being unhappy rather than them being fucking morons.

... like I said. It's been pissing me off.

It's actually got me so annoyed that I'm currently debating how much detail to go into as I already feel like even discussing the bullshit I've been listening to and reading is only being encouraged by my paying attention to it. Well, that's my perpetual mistake to deal with, I guess. Regardless, I'll try and keep this simple.

First off, ladies, gentlemen-- crazy is like an iceberg. Once you see a little bit of crazy, you can be GODDAMNED SURE that there's a whole lot more crazy beneath the surface. Now, once you see this crazy, you have to assess "Hmm, is this something that I'd like to live with my entire life?" But all of this anticipates that you're the sort of person who pays attention to what's going on around you which, frankly, most of the people out in the world are not. Wonderful.

In that same vein, it really is okay to go "Y'know what? I don't need to take this shit from this person." Stop trying to fix them, stop trying to save them, stop taking their shit, use the Oxford comma, and move on! Yeah, it sucks. It hurts. It's horribly unpleasant. But you know what? It demonstrates that you have enough self-respect to go "No. I'm not standing for this anymore."

The worst part is that I'm preaching to the choir. People who read this and go "Wow, you're totally right" are the sort of people who would do these things anyways. The fucktards of the world are going to read this and go "It isn't that simple."

Well, here's a secret. Yes the fuck it is that simple.

"It isn't that simple" is an excuse given by people who don't have the balls to do what needs to be done. And this goes for pre-, during, and post-relationships. This goes for every day, all the time. It is precisely that simple. You see a pretty girl/guy you want to talk to? Go talk to them. You want a new job? Go find one. You want to travel and see the world? GO. DO IT. Stop making excuses for everything.

To try and idiot-proof this rant as much as possible, I'll apply the disclaimer that deciding to go do something does not mean it's going to be easy, quick, or without tough choices. But by god, it does mean that you'll be acting like a fucking human being who's worth the air they're consuming on this planet.

Where the hell was I? Oh, relationships. Right.

Let me illustrate my "yes it is that fucking simple" point with some real-life examples from my past five weeks... none of which are my own, point of fact, they have all come to me from people asking for advice.

Your girlfriend texts you and you don't have time to text her back because you're working. She then flips the fuck out when you get home, screams, yells, and accuses you of cheating on her.

You don't have a driver's license. Your husband derides you for not having your license but refuses to let you drive his car to learn AND refuses to teach you when someone else offers their car. He then goes ballistic when one of your friends shows up at the house to take you out and teach you to drive.

You're letting your lady-friend live in your house, rent-free. She does not have a job and in no way contributes to food, utilities, home improvement, etc. You decide to buy a new car for yourself and she harasses you about wasting money.

You want to go out with some coworkers at the end of a long week. The group is mixed but there are more men than women. Your boyfriend gets pissed. You invite him to come along since it's just dinner and drinks and extremely casual. He refuses and won't stop complaining, offering such arguments as "Well, what if I just went out with a bunch of girls?" until you relent and then invites his own friends over for Xbox. They play Call of Duty and you get bitched at for interrupting them if you try to have a conversation with them.

I swear to Christ, I've got more.

My point is this- you don't have to take that shit. And if you DO take that shit, you don't get to complain. I've always said this to people who go "I hate my job!" No the fuck you don't. If you hated it that badly, you'd do something about it. You'd get a new job, you'd try and implement some changes, you'd bring a goddamned AK-47 to work. But you do nothing. You don't hate your job, you want me to pity you for doing nothing about your life.

The same holds true for relationships. Now, I don't want everyone to think that I'm advocating the very first time you have a fight, or someone flips out, or things go poorly, that you boot the person to the curb. That doesn't make any sense whatsoever. I'm just saying to PAY ATTENTION. 99.999999% of the time, crazy doesn't come out of nowhere. Most of the time, the crazy is there, you just choose not to see it.

I guess that's the wording right there. Don't go into a relationship going "They're gonna be crazy... AHA! They hate squirrels! I knew they were psycho! I'm outta here!" But also don't choose to ignore red flags... "Wow, I cooked dinner and didn't wash the pans until after I was finished eating and they flipped the fuck out and knocked all the pans onto the floor."

And if you choose to ignore the red flags please, do us all a favor, and shut the fuck up about it. And if you're not gonna shut the fuck up about it, do NOT-- I say again do NOT go around painting it like it's the other person's fault. You keep running into the same relationship patterns? It's not the fault of the people you're dating. It's YOUR fault. They're just them (psycho though they may well be). You're the one whose responsibility it is to notice the pattern and stop it.

Or you can keep jumping into the crazy-pool and looking super confused that you're all wet. Idiot.

Oh, also, if you post a bunch of fucking retarded memes about "Men do this...", "Women do that...", "Why aren't there any good men/women...", I guarantee you that I wish you dead.

Sack up, alright? I wouldn't want to date your whiny ass either. And maybe, just maybe, MAYBE it isn't that women ignore you, or they always treat you bad, or men just can't commit. Maybe the problem is you. Maybe you don't take the plunge and go after someone you find attractive. Maybe you put up with things you shouldn't. Maybe people treat you like shit because you allow them to treat you like shit. Maybe say "fuck it all" and be alone for a while, see the world, live some life, and stop trying to find some other poor bastard to define a life, YOUR life, that you haven't managed to define on your own.

And yes, it could just be that simple.

And don't be stupid- "simple" should not be interpreted as "easy"

/rant

[[I'd recommend that anyone who isn't the H2 or Faire-folk bring their relationship issues to someone else for a while. I don't think I can handle more of them this month. You have been warned]]

Have a banana, have a whole bunch, it doesn't matter what you had for lunch

Once upon a time in the Twitterverse, I said I would chronicle an MRE. And so I shall.

Now, point of fact, I am a vegetarian. Far as I know, there are three vegetarian MREs: vegetable lasagna, spicy penne, and cheese tortellini. Oh, and the veggie omelet. But, god as my witness, NO ONE eats the veggie omelet. It's horrifying. I'll have to see if I can find one to chronicle. I mean... it redefines atrocious.

From what I've heard, the MREs of today's Army are gourmet compared to twenty, even ten years ago. But, uh... that isn't really saying a whole ton. So, here we go! An MRE adventure!

I'm not sure who these warfighters are that've been testing these things, but I suspect their meal choices were "Would you prefer this box of camel spiders, or this MRE?"

The faux-gatorade/juice mixes in the MRE packages are GOLD. Like, sincere joy erupts in your chest when you realize that you might have to slog through disgusting food, but you will be rewarded by juice and/or lemonade.

The beverage bag. If all you've got is your camelback, you throw the powder in here, add water, shake it up as best as you can, and try to drink from it without spilling all over yourself... which is generally easier said than done.

But wait! That says "Hot" beverage bag! How (besides leaving it in the sun because it's 140 goddamned degrees outside) do you heat the beverages (some of them have coffee), you ask?

Why, you use this little gem! Add water and... uh... something chemical happens... and things heat up.

You can also make bombs out of the MRE heaters, in the nature of expanding gasses if you confine them to plastic bags. I mean, who does that?

The bottom-most picture is my favorite. "Rock or something". I can only imagine they had to clarify because one day a soldier was like "MOTHER OF GOD THERE ARE NO ROCKS HERE!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO LEAN MY MRE HEATER ON?!?!"

I think I'm gonna save the entree for last. Let's see what else is in the MRE!

Never actually drank one of these. One of the guys swears they're good. I'm suspicious. There's also a strawberry banana shake.

The guys gave me shit because I looked up maltodextrin. I said "If it's notable enough that they put it right on the top, I want to know what it is!"

Wikipedia says "Maltodextrin is a polysaccharide that is used as a food additive. It is produced from starch by partialhydrolysis and is usually found as a white hygroscopic spraydried powder.^[1] Maltodextrin is easily digestible, being absorbed as rapidly as glucose, and might be either moderately sweet or almost flavorless. It is commonly used for the production of sodas and candy. It can also be found as an ingredient in a variety of other processed foods."

 Therefore, I conclude that they added it because it's absorbed rapidly. Sugar boost for everyone.

Peanut butter in the MREs can be bartered for EVERYTHING. It's gold. I've seen people trade entire MREs for a packet of peanut butter.

I'm not sure what the "snack" part is of "wheat snack bread", but you can put peanut butter on it, so go team.

Does that look like a snack to you? It doesn't even really look like wheat bread!

Speaking of things that don't much look like what I think they should look like-- Carrot Pound cake... if it tasted nothing like carrots cake, or pound cake, or anything really... except when you get a piece of walnut. That tastes like walnut.

Carrot pound cake. Sarcasm aside, it's reasonably palatable.

This is the little plastic bag of things-to-make-food-more-palatable. It's actually a bit of a disappointment. Some of them have coffee, matches, creamer, sugar, and other miscellaneous crap.

This was the content of said plastic bag. There's red packaged gum and clear packaged gum. Rumor is that the red packaged gum is a laxative. And, not gonna lie, given the general makeup of MREs, you're gonna need it.

IT'S ENTREE TIME!

 

Spoons ready, everyone!

"Vegetable lasagna"... in case, by this point, you still don't know what you're in store for. And whatever you think you're in store for...

I doubt you expected it to look like this.

Eat up!

Though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

"You know, from the very first time I saw you on TV, I noticed you had that look in your eye, lieutenant. That coldness so characteristic of my favorite doms. An inhuman detachment that is my particular weakness. If I got down on my hands and knees and cried for you to mash my fingers with your boot, would that excite you?.. You know what the most interesting thing about a dominatrix like that is? Hmm? It's that secretly, deeply, they're waiting for someone with enough strength to come along and control them."

It constantly amuses me, the fact that I'll think of titles for my blogs/notes (always song lyrics) and only after I've taken to writing do I realize that the songs tend to coincide with what I'm thinking, if not explicitly than in a very abstract-sequential sort of way. And being that I am an abstract-sequential sort of girl, that works okay for me.

Speaking of, anyone care to explain to me the difference between concrete-random and abstract-sequential? Sounds like the same effing thing to me.

Anyways, I came across the italicized quote in a graphic novel that I picked up on a whim and I've become infatuated with it, both because of my general infatuation with truth wherever I find it, and because of the conundrum (eternal though it may be) that it presents. It's the conflict between being what one IS and being what one WANTS to be. Rarely are the two the same, we all know this, but tonight I can't decide if you have to choose or if you simply have to acknowledge one to get to the other.

For that reason, the extremely sexual quote (which hits very, very close to personal truth for me) is also extremely useful. Without putting on airs, I can safely say that I have a very dominant personality. For example, just the other night, Lauren and Kyle were sitting around the apartment before we were getting ready to watch Pirates 2. They were bickering about what-the-fuck-ever, as they tend to, and I was lounging on some pillows (what? we don't have furniture. We're poor!), screwing around on my computer. I said "Kyle, grab me the bottle of wine, the corkscrew, and a glass from the kitchen, will you?" and he got up and got all of those things.

Normally, I'd've thought nothing of it except that Lauren said "Jesus, if I had asked him to do that, he'd've said no and would've given me shit about it!" I said "Sorry, kid, I don't know what to tell you. People do what I say... for no readily apparent reason, actually, since I'm not particularly attractive, or particularly nice, or particularly anything, really." And it's the truth! I'm not any of the things that are typically associated with people who get their way and yet... I very frequently get my way. And I like it.

So, now to the conflict. I was perfectly satisfied that when I told Kyle to do something, he went and did it, just as I am perfectly satisfied that when I tell even the most difficult of soldiers (many of whom technically outrank me) to do something, they do what I say (and generally with less bitching and moaning than when told the same thing by our squad leader), just as I was perfectly satisfied that my crewtons jumped at my word but would perform for no other coxswain. That, simply, is who I am. For whatever reason, and given whatever inexplicable characteristic that I possess, those things come easily for me.

But, as pointed out in the above quote, beyond all of these things, I want someone with enough strength that I have to yield to them.

I've tried to explain to more than one lover that, because I spend so much of my day being this aggressive, dominant person, the idea of being as such in bed hold no fucking appeal for me (excuse the pun). I don't want a man to crawl to me; I want him to throw me down. What I am, in every day life and throughout most of my being, is dominant. What I want, and what comprises that last piece of my soul, is to be dominated.

The matter of resolving the apparent conflict between the two, who I am and what I want, is still being worked out, largely because I don't think I've found the person who exists as the other piece, the understanding to said conflict. Also, I can yield as quickly as the next girl, but I don't want a lover's domination to be because I gave it to them; I want it to be because, by every fiber of my being, I had no other choice (and no, I don't mean in a rape-y way. If I have to explain that, you don't get it and you might as well move along). But such is life. Like I said, the quote at the beginning stopped me cold because, and this is why I love books, someone had taken my thoughts from my head and put them on paper. And thus, I share them.

Good night, lovelies.

Lover please do not fall to your knees, it's not like I believe in everlasting love

This is my SUPER EXTRA LONG Star Wars Retrospective, having watched the saga in numerical order before deployment was over. Conversations took place on Twitter and Facebook.

Watching #Episode1. Voluntarily. Trying to see it with fresh eyes. Mostly wanting to bang my head against the wall.

TheAdamWeston @BigDamnHerosSir I prefer episode 2 and 5 for sick days/naps .. episode 1 is just a good kids movie to me.. a nice warm up to hook a new gen

Jeeeesus, the Trade Federation ambassadors & Jar Jar Binks are just as offensive as I remember them being #Episode1

Good GOD, I'm trying to give the dialogue a second chance but George Lucas' dialogue is just so bloody awful #Episode1

Daanando @BigDamnHerosSir Why would you torture yourself by watching that again?

@Daanando For science!.. and in numeric order, they cater to my masochistic streak- lots of pain followed by a great payoff.

Daanando @BigDamnHerosSir insane. :)

Alright, so I fell asleep during #Episode1. Whoops. Let's try that again! Back to the pod race!

Daanando @BigDamnHerosSir Podracing is like the only thing worth a damn in the prequilogy.

Okay, not gonna lie, I still aspire to be a space pilot and/or podracer #Episode1

Thank god, Darth Maul is here. Now I can start enjoying something outright.

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir Wizard!

@arthurabland Ugh... I cut George Lucas a lot of dialogue slack (ex. I never thought Episode 4's dialogue was bad) but "wizard"? *facepalm*

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir Every word from Anakin's mouth in the whole trilogy is garbage. Turning evil was the best thing that ever happened to him.

The crap resolution of the DVD rip I'm watching makes me like #Episode1 more since my main complaint was that it looked too polished ∴ fake

BethNotLiz @BigDamnHerosSir Re: 'crap resolution' That's called looking at the bright side of things! Good for you!

"I sense much fear in you." He's a 9 yr old kid on a strange planet where he knows no one. That's insightful, Yoda. #Episode1

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir And he's talking to a rubber goblin in a room full of monsters.

@arthurabland Not to mention Samuel L Jackson. All of whom are using what amounts to magic to read his mind. Yep no reason to be scared, kid

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir And they all have laser swords and can move things with their mind. Frankly, it's amazing he hasn't pissed himself.

[[MEANWHILE ON FACEBOOK!!]]
Emily Rouch

I couldn't think of a nice way to say

"The vast majority of your arguments are specious. And your face is dumb."

especially when Phantom Menace is where he calls out Natalie Portman.

She's way more wooden after that one

Sarah Walsh

I'll have to get back to you on that one, actually... 'cause her as the Queen is making me want to tear my own eyes out

she's rough as Padme but as the Queen, she's worse

Emily Rouch

she's 14.

She can't suck worse that Jake Lloyd.

she's bad, don't get me wrong.

I hate the way she says Chancellor Valorum.

Sarah Walsh

I JUST HAD THAT SAME THOUGHT

Emily Rouch

it's because we're twins

Sarah Walsh

Ian McDiarmid, however, always a joy- I could listen to his voice all day, even when he's saying stupid George Lucas dialogue

one more fucking droid says "roger, roger" and I'm gonna throw my computer

Emily Rouch

oh, droids.

I would punch them in their throats too

Sarah Walsh

okay, so episode 1 came out when I was a junior in HS and the intervening years have given me much more understanding of military strategy, so I pose this question

the gungans are covered by this shield, which the droids just walk through

once inside, they throw WTF-ever at the droids and it hits them and causes them to short circuit

I'm no strategy genius, but why didn't anyone develop the shields to short out and/or overload anything mechanical that came through it?

actually, question withdrawn... knowing what I know about the US army, that's exactly what we'd do too

"Why would we stop them before they got close to us? We'll just let them get within arm's reach, then try and shoot them"

Okay

we're on Naboo

we're headed for a lift

lift doors open

There's Darth Maul! Oh noes!

in the lift is Darth Maul, in front of the lift is the Queen and her guards

and behind that crowd is the Jedi

am I out of my mind in thinking that Darth Maul should've tried killing the fuck out of some people?

Emily Rouch

Darth Maul should have killed Amidala in the first five minutes

Sarah Walsh

the scene pretty much goes: lift doors open. stare down. Queen walks away. Darth Maul lets her. Jedi step up.

right?! Bitch should be deader than dead!

but I mean, they were standing like, twelve feet apart just now, with no one in between them and a crowd in between the Jedi and the Queen

he could've killed her and most of the rest of 'em, no problem whatsoever

and I can come up with no plausible reason that he doesn't

SERIOUSLY. Darth Maul is housing two Jedi, but he didn't kill the Queen. That's gonna piss me the fuck off for a while.

Sarah Walsh

YAY! Now they're in the room in the palace that got hit by the cannon fire in WWII. *does the we-were-there dance*

Emily Rouch

tee hee!

Lift opens. There's Darth Maul, a Sith who could easily tear all of them apart, facing the Queen. What does everyone do? FUCKALL

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir Give him time. Eventually, he'll just turn off his lightsaber for no reason and stand there. THEN SHE'S IN TROUBLE.

Queen: We're just gonna walk away. Darth Maul: I'm just gonna let you walk away. Everyone: We're happy with this plan.

Am I wrong in thinking a Sith should've opened the lift doors and cleaned house?! Yeah, he needs to fight the Jedi, but he's a fucking Sith!

Darth Maul is housing two Jedi, but he didn't kill the Queen, standing twelve feet in front of her with no one in the way. Eff you, Lucas

prey_aswolves @BigDamnHerosSir you're pretty pissed about that, huh?

@prey_aswolves Y'know, I had calmed down about it & now I'm fired up again :-P Believable characters have reasons for what they do/don't do

prey_aswolves @BigDamnHerosSir Trust me, I agree wholeheartedly. I watched the first two a few weeks back, but can't bring myself to watch III. Goddamnit.

@prey_aswolves Far as I can tell, he didn't attack because "The script didn't say to." Not good enough for me. #ButGeorgeLucasDontGiveAShit

prey_aswolves @BigDamnHerosSir #ReasonsForNerdAnger = #ButGeorgeLucasDontGiveAShit"

@prey_aswolves That's 'bout the only thing I'm enjoying about numeric order- the good ones come at the end, after all the pain ;-)

@arthurabland I'm trying to find a plausible reason why he didn't kill her. Does such a reason exist?

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir Because Lucas needed him dead, couldn't think of a good reason for it, so had him fight the Jedi and basically give up?

Ugh, taking a break from #Episode1 to go get my laundry. And wish I could drink heavily.

Anakin: "I'll try spinning! That's a good trick!" He might as well have yelled "Do a barrel roll!" #wouldhavebeenbetterdialogue

Esoteric complaining to follow: (1/1) Stage combat, like all of theatre, is about telling a good story.

(2/2) If the combat is so flurried that I can't tell who's attacking/defending or what you're trying to accomplish, I can't follow the story

(3/3) Clarity is better than speed. /rant

Sorry. It really bugs me that the lightsaber work is so fast that I have trouble following it. Bugged me when I was 17, bugs me now.

Onward and upward to #EpisodeII

Ohhhh god, Hayden Christensen. It... it hurts. #EpisodeII

bellenilsson retweeted you: Ohhhh god, Hayden Christensen. It... it hurts. #EpisodeII

"She covered the cameras. I don't think she liked me watching her." Was your note "sound extra rape-y'? If so, job well done. #EpisodeII

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir Well, later she gets turned on by mass murder, so maybe he's on the right track.

"1000's of good Jedi in the galaxy & they thought 'bringing balance' meant one more good Jedi? Idiots." ~Tim Walsh

Anytime someone says "May the Force be with you", I'm suddenly at morning notes at NYRF and want to yell "AND ALSO WITH YOU!"

Nitpicking- Obi-wan just described a planet as "south" of another system. Really? "South"? In space?

arthurabland favorited your Tweet: Nitpicking- Obi-wan just described a planet as "south" of another system. Really? "South"? In space?

chris_haddad @BigDamnHerosSir relatively speaking, when observed as a 2D plane :) We all know Obi Wan wouldn't be so dumb.

@chris_haddad Don't you rationalize for George Lucas, you! In space, no one can travel south :-P

aalgar @BigDamnHerosSir @arthurabland South is totally a thing in space! See: Duck Dodgers. #southbydownwest

[[Meanwhile in the Army]] "Walsh doesn't nap so much as go into strategic comas." ~Abbott

You know who never lets me down? John Williams, bless his soul. #EpisodeII

Jango Fett's kinda hot... in a grumpy, New Zealand accented (sorry, not one of my favorites) sort of way

"You're studying to become a Jedi. I'm a senator." Who, by all I can see, is wearing a dominatrix outfit. What costume is that??

Point of fact- I *like* the costume, especially the gloves. I'll wear something like that when I'm a Senator, okay?

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir Is that the scene by the fireplace? Yeah, not the thing to wear when trying specifically NOT to seduce a guy.

@arthurabland EXACTLY! "We can't be together, ever. And to demonstrate this, I wore leather, long gloves, a corset, and a collar"

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir And sat in front of a fireplace in a darkened room.

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir Between that & the council chamber, it's like everyone wants Anakin to feel exactly opposite of the way they say he should.

Ugh, sorry #EpisodeII. I've got promotions to photograph in the AM and you've still got 80 min left. To be continued tomorrow.

Things I suck at: 1) Going to bed once I've said "I'm going to bed" 2) Not ending list titles with prepositions

5 Jan

Once more into the breach, dear friends... resuming #EpisodeII. I bet I can knock out that and #EpisodeIII by the end of the day

Samuel L Jackson is one of the best parts of the new trilogy. He always gives 100%, no matter how crap the lines are #EpisodeII

Sarah Walsh

Watching Episode II... it... it hurts... make it stop... I should've insisted on a safe word... paaaaaaaaaain

Emily Rouch

I warned you!

It's the worst one!

There is NOTHING redemptive about Episode II

Sarah Walsh

There really isn't! So far I've taken solace in Ian McDiarmid and Christopher Lee's voices, and in Samuel L Jackson's admirable ability to commit 100% to crap dialogue

Emily Rouch

Do not speak his name, the non Jedi.

Sarah Walsh

Ewan MacGregor always sounds like he's winking at the camera going "I'm saying ridiculous lines, y'hear?"

Emily Rouch

I refute that he was in those movies.

Sarah Walsh

hahaha why the SLJ hate?

Emily Rouch

He's not a Jedi.

No.

Mace Windu is crap.

I traded Mace Windu out of my Star Wars minis

Some may say I didn't get a good deal

I say, I got the best deal

[[Meanwhile in the Army]] PFC: Hey, I need everyone's attention Me: If you made me stop my movie for dumb shit, I'm gonna throw a boot at you PFC: .. okay, never mind

I have a really hard time w/the fact that the driving force behind Anakin's descent to the dark side is him missing his mother #EpisodeII

TheAdamWeston @BigDamnHerosSir it was more about the failure to save her and the anger that tapped into (sand ppl) Emperor just exploited it

Anakin, I understand your mother just died but in 19 years you didn't realize that's just the way things go? Whine about it, why don't you?

Things that are mutually exclusive: being in the Army and finishing a movie in one sitting.

It hurts my soul that I'm putting this much effort into watching the new Star Wars trilogy. I'd endure for the original, but for the new?

"I will be the most powerful Jedi ever. I promise you. I will even learn to stop people from dying... It's all Obi-Wan's fault!" Wait, what?

No, seriously, Anakin, how does that follow? It's not like Obi-Wan's running around keeping HIS friends from dying! #EpisodeII

We all recognize that Jar-Jar is responsible for Chancellor Palpatine becoming Emperor Palpatine, right? #patsy #EpisodeII

I only hear Saruman when Christopher Lee speaks... "Hundreds of Senators are now under the influence of a Sith Lord called... Sauron"

"Dellow Felagates"?? Seriously, fuck you George Lucas. You too, Jar-Jar.

I just sighed so loudly at Natalie Portman's "I love you" that the girls asked me what was the matter. #EpisodeII

Sarah Walsh

brief tangent- I just sighed so loudly at Natalie Portman's "I love you" that the girls on the beds nearby asked me what was the matter

Sarah Walsh

SON OF A BITCH, I forgot about all Threepio's fucking puns

Emily Rouch

HA

Stop torturing yourself!

I swore a vow to never watch that movie again

which, incidentally, I saw it with this guy.

He paid.

I remember turning to him during the movie and saying "I will never forgive you for this."

Sarah Walsh

No! NO! I'm too committed, both to the idea of a numerical order marathon and to the fact that this movie will NOT make me say uncle!

hahahahaha that's fantastic

Sarah Walsh

Thank god for John Williams. He never disappoints me

I'm on to Episode III now

dragging the Episode II file to the Recycle Bin was the most satisfying thing I've done all day

I really fail to see how a claw strike from that tiger turned Natalie Portman's shirt into a halter top. #EpisodeII

Okay, stadium full of bug-lookin' aliens on Geonossis... Not one of you noticed the alien folk joining the crowd? #situationalawareness

One more fucking droid says "Roger roger" and, god as my witness, I will NOT be held responsible #EpisodeII

Hmm, I do kinda like the LOTR-esque shot of Palpatine looking over the assembled clone army. Next stop, Helm's Deep! #EpisodeII

Dragging Attack of the Clones to the Recycle Bin was the most satisfying thing I've done all day. Thank god that's over. On to #EpisodeIII!

Emily Rouch

Ah, Episode III.

I was working at the Comic Book store then.

You've signed for "Anecdotes about Emily's First Viewing of the Prequels"

We got the comic book in the store before the movie release date

NOT ALLOWED TO SHOW ANYONE EVAR

So of course we sat in the back and read it.

and I burst out laughing at the child murder scene, epically rendered in Comic form.

and I said to myself

"Self, we will go see this movie after all, because this is so worth being on big screen"

Hayden Christensen is significantly hotter with long hair #EpisodeIII

Okay, given how little Anakin and Count Dooku screamed when their hands were cut off, was Luke a little bitch or what? #EpisodeIII

Sarah Walsh

Reflections: given how little Anakin and Count Dooku scream when their hands are cut off, was Luke just a little bitch or what?

Emily Rouch

I assume that Anakin has no feelings, being a robot

Count Dooku is badass.

only because he is Christopher Lee, since he goes out pretty ignominiously.

and Christopher Lee will always be King Haggard from the Last Unicorn and I will always love him for it.

Sarah Walsh

fair enough haha... I'm just sayin', I'd've liked one person to perhaps react to the fact that a limb was severed AND cauterized, meaning you won't even have a chance to bleed out and therefore stop hurting

Emily Rouch

You know, in retrospect, Luke Skywalker behaves like a real person having things happen.

he whines and complains

and then mans the fuck up

I would cry if my hand got cut off and I hanging over a precipice with a dude who claims to be my dad

a dude who killed a whole planet and my family

Anakin/Palpatine's relationship develops off-screen & that pisses me off. They talk about it in 2, why didn't we get to SEE any of it??

By the time we do see their relationship, the seed's already sprouted. Palpatine: Kill Dooku! Anakin: OK! Strange, w/o knowing they're close

A relationship that crucial to a legendary film series should NOT have taken place almost entirely off camera

But, again... #GeorgeLucasDontGiveAShit #NeitherDoesTheHoneyBadger

Sarah Walsh

seriously!

it really pisses me the fuck off that Palpatine and Anakin's relationship develops almost entirely off-camera

"Remember what you told me about the Sand People?"

no the fuck I don't remember because I, the viewer, never fucking saw such a thing happen

whose bright idea was it NOT to show the most important relationship in the fucking galaxy developing?!

Emily Rouch

Probably Ian McDiarmid slapped Hayden Christiansen in the face a lot, and the film was unusable.

"You are TERRIBLE at this! Go die in a fire!"

"I can only do things partway."

"FINE."

Sarah Walsh

I just keep thinking about what great storytelling that could've been, showing Palpatine getting in Anakin's head early on, manipulating him the way he manipulated the Senate, etc

Emily Rouch

That requires acting.

Also, writing.

Sarah Walsh

sets Anakin up to having conflicting mentor-type voices in his head (palpatine v. obi-wan), adds to the difficulty of his decision making

well, goddammit, don't I deserve acting!

and writing?!

hahahahahaha

Emily Rouch

You do.

George Lucas just hates you.

Why does General Grievous have tuberculosis? I seriously hate that. #EpisodeIII

Is it just me or does Grievous also sounds vaguely like he should be part of the Spanish Inquisition? #Iwouldntexpectthat

Sarah Walsh

Christ, the new trilogy is its own fucking class in "How not to tell a story"

yeah, shenanigans, that is

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF GENERAL GRIEVOUS HAVING FUCKING TUBERCULOSIS?

Emily Rouch

to show..

he's STILL... HUMAN....

*cough*

I forgot about that.

I had blocked it.

Sarah Walsh

he also sounds vaguely like he's preparing for the Spanish Inquisition... his voice just reminds me of someone who should be in a red robe telling me to forswear Satan

yeah, I'm sorry I'm dragging you on this new trilogy hell tour ride, but I need company

Emily Rouch

No, no.

I enjoy it.

I will go get a sandwich in a few minutes

but then I will be right back with you.

"You're so beautiful" "It's only because I'm so in love" "No. No, I'm so in love with you" #FUCKINGKILLME #EpisodeIII

JustKopitsky @BigDamnHerosSir That's the point in the movie that my bf at the time and I said, "Eff this. Let's go have sex." #lucasshoulddieinafire

30 min in, nothing redeeming to #EpisodeIII yet. You may not believe me, but I am actually trying to like these movies.

Sarah Walsh

"You're so beautiful" "It's only because I'm so in love" "No. No, it's because I'm so in love with you"

I'll be back. I'm going to gouge out my eyes.

the new trilogy makes me really fucking irritated with the Jedi

Brian Lynch and I were talking about Episode I, where they've got a 9 year old kid who's never been away from his mother or home planet in a room full of strange aliens who can read his mind and move things with their minds, and they're giving him shit for being afraid

Emily Rouch

Yeah.

"Dead Religion"

I mean, we think so.

though there were lots of them

just like, 16 years ago.

Sarah Walsh

My brother doesn't crack me up very often, but after he saw Revenge of the Sith he started ranting and was like "Okay, so Anakin's the fucking chosen one, right? A thousand Jedi in the Universe, 1 Sith, and they thought another good Jedi was gonna balance the Force? Have these motherfuckers ever used a scale!?"

Sarah Walsh

Ian McDiarmid, you're 3/3 on keeping me watching the new trilogy

if not for him, and John Williams, I'd've walked away a while ago

Sarah Walsh

Oh godddddd I love Ian McDiarmid's voice.

Though I keep thinking about Eddie Izzard and all of his Star Wars bits and giggling

Here we go! The Darth Plagius story, as told by Ian McDiarmid. #EpisodeIII, you have been redeemed #kinda

Emily Rouch

how much is left?

when is the killing?

Sarah Walsh

Fuckin' hour and a half left

it's gonna be a while

Unless you're talking about wookies. 'Cause they're dying now.

Emily Rouch

ARRRRRGH

I hate that they crammed Wookiees into it.

and I love Wookiees.

Sarah Walsh

I concur

"Obi-wan and the council don't trust me" Oh, really? I don't think I've seen you follow one order EVER. Wonder why they don't trust you...?

Tell me again why Obi-Wan is riding around on a lizard, please? #EpisodeIII

Sarah Walsh

I take it back. Grievous sounds like he should be telling me how in Mother Russia, lizards ride you!

which, speaking of, WHY IS OBI-WAN RIDING A LIZARD?!

Emily Rouch

You should live blog this shit.

Sarah Walsh

Grievous had, what, four arms and an equal number of lightsabers? What, did he steal them from Jedi while they were sleeping? 'Cause Obi-Wan dispatches him pretty fucking quickly

well, dispatches the extra arms/lightsabers

we need more lizard chases before he can finish him

(say it with me-- FINISH HIM!)

Emily Rouch

Flawless Victory.

Re: Palpatine being a Sith Lord- "Then our worst fears have been realized". Let me get this straight--

Your worst fear was that thousands of Jedi would live/work right on top of the most powerful man in the universe...

And not ONE of you intuitive fucks would notice that he was a FUCKING SITH LORD?!!?

The Force- Good for telling you when 9 yr olds are scared. Useless for sensing Sith Lords, apparently.

Sarah Walsh

re: Palpatine being a Sith Lord... "then our worst fears have been realized"

What, your worst fear was that a bunch of Jedi would be living next door to the most powerful man in the universe and none of you intuitive fucks would notice he was a FUCKING SITH LORD?

Thank god your intuition's up to snuff when it comes to scaring nine year olds, however

"I sense a disturbance in the Force" "Oh, is it a Sith Lord?" "Nah. A youngling misses his mother" "Oh, get that kid outta here. He's bad news... Good evening, Chancellor Palpatine! How's things?"

Emily Rouch

"Good, Good. Destroying the universe, with my evil nefarious friends."

"I mean, helping the Senate become a place of rainbows and puppies."

Goddammit, the new trilogy leaves me really irritated with the Jedi #EpisodeIII

"Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?" What a GREAT delivery. Ian McDiarmid's voice is spectacular #EpisodeIII

Sarah Walsh

okay, I really hate it every time someone's holding the lightsaber in a high guard... aesthetically, it bugs the FUCK out of me

blah blah, I get the practicality, blah blah... I simply hate the way it looks

Mace Windu and Palpatine are paused mid-fight. I know more shit is coming, but the last ten minutes or so have been alright

Emily Rouch

Fall out the window!

Fall out the window, Mace!

Woooo!

Sarah Walsh

he's getting there, he's getting there!

I forgot Mace Windu loses a hand too.

That's four hands lost so far

6 if you include Grievous

at least Mace Windu screams about it

... and then gets hit with a bunch of lightning and falls out a window

whoops

Be it lightsabers, rapiers, or broadswords, holding them in a high guard really bugs the fuck out of me #esotericnitpicking

It doesn't bother me in rapier/dagger but ONLY if one is also guarding low. It's purely an aesthetic thing too- I just hate how it looks.

Seriously still angry about the lack of on-screen relationship development between Palpatine/Anakin #angerleadstothedarkside

20 on screen minutes of development, he just told you to go kill a fuckton of people, and you say okay?! #makesnosense

Sarah Walsh

I'm still pissed about the lack of development in Palpatine/Anakin's relationship

we are mere minutes away from child-killing

given everything we've seen on screen

which is all we know because WE DON'T LIVE IN THIS IMAGINARY WORLD

Emily Rouch

"I think you should kill some kids now."

"Okay."

I think executing Order 66 was the only time stormtroppers hit what they were aiming at, yes? #EpisodeIII

Sarah Walsh

Obi-Wan, if you don't get the fuck off that lizard, I'm going to kill you myself

no pun intended

On the whole, I think the Order 66 scene was pretty well executed

And, seriously, I'm glad they shot Obi-Wan off that effing lizard. I was ready to kill him myself.

Wait, was I in a coma for the "This is how liberty dies, to thunderous applause" line? I did always like that one #EpisodeIII

Oh, no, here it is. Good lord, there's still 45 minutes left #EpisodeIII

Sarah Walsh

bahahahaha that's one grown-up you don't want to go to for help, kiddos

Emily Rouch

Ah, young blood on my hands.

The fact that the thought "Natalie Portman is reminding me of Kristen Stewart" crossed my mind makes me hate everything #EpisodeIII

Emily Rouch

"Anakin, I am explicitly telling you how I feel. You are BREAKING MY HEART."

"LITERALLY BROKEN."

Sarah Walsh

"Literally?"

"LITERALLY!"

Emily Rouch

"Oh. What about the kids you just birthed?"

"Nope. They are not enough."

"It's because we forgot our own backstory and reversed the birth order, isn't it?"

"Word."

"Hey, I'm doing an Alec Guinness impression!"

"We know, Ewan."

"Hey, I should hide dem babies."

"Yeah. Somewhere really secret though."

"I'll take them to Tatooine!"

".... Um, Anakin knows where that is.

His family still LIVES there."

"Nah, it's fine."

"Why not keep them on Naboo, then? At least then they'll have the Queen's Guard."

"Nah, moisture farm on a corrupt desert world. Better choice."

"... I hate you."

"Peace out!"

"Anakin, you're breaking my heart!" Literally, apparently. [[Cue me going "LITERALLY?! LITERALLY?!"]] #EpisodeIII

Sarah Walsh

"Obi-Wan is trying to turn you against me. With my new powers, I can save you! Hey is that Obi-Wan?! Did I mention that my new powers can choke the fuck out of you too? But I love you so much!"

Emily Rouch

It's over, right?

Sarah Walsh

not yet. Almost. It's impossible to watch a movie in the army without interruption

Vader's "Nooooooo!" reminds me of Ursula at the end of Little Mermaid. I'm gonna have to watch the end of Little Mermaid and see if I'm out of my mind

Battle of the Heroes is a great track. John Williams is, undoubtedly, the man.

New trilogy total- 4 lost hands, 2 lost legs, and everyone's pretty fucking calm about all of this! Anakin doesn't freak til he catches fire

And even once he's on fire, Anakin's still relatively chill. You are BURNING TO DEATH, DUDE! Can I get a full scream, please? #EpisodeIII

Correction: Five lost hands

Padme. You died of NOTHING. I hope you're proud of yourself. #EpisodeIII

Of all the things Yoda taught Luke, "how to absorb Force Lightning" never came up?

"In your solitude on Tatooine, training I have for you" "Training?" Read: Seriously, guy? Train this, alright, I just want a fucking nap.

"Leia will go to the lush and fertile Alderaan. Luke... meh... send him to Tatooine." #myinterpretation

Sarah Walsh

christ, thank god that's over

Emily Rouch

oh good.

Sarah Walsh

so, here's my impression of the end of Episode III

There's Owen, standing, watching the twin sunset, dreaming of his future

And then Obi-Wan shows up and saddles him with the child of a "step-brother" that he knew for all of 45 minutes

40 of which involved mass murder

Hope you didn't have any dreams, Owen

'cause the Jedi don't give a shit

Emily Rouch

Jedi.

The Honey Badgers of the universe.

Sarah Walsh

exactly!

also, does Luke get shafted or what? "We'll take Leia to our lush and fertile planet!" "And Luke?" "Meh... Tatooine's lovely this time of never. Fuck it"

Fun fact, "Alderaan" doesn't come up as a misspelled word, but "Tatooine" does. Hunh.

Another fun fact: I go to write "hunh" but first write "hung" just about every time. And I giggle about it just as often.

Okay, my impression of the end of #EpisodeIII is as follows: Owen is standing, looking at the twin sunset, dreaming of his future...

(2)Then Obi-Wan shows up & saddles him with a kid from a "step-brother" that he knew for 45 minutes. And 40 of those minutes involved murder

(3) Hope you didn't have any dreams or plans, Owen. 'Cause the Jedi don't give a shit.

Why don't the Jedi give a shit? Because #GeorgeLucasDontGiveAShit

Alright, I'm done for now. It's almost 11 PM and I have an 8 AM formation. No more Star Wars for me tonight.

@arthurabland When I'm done w/Star Wars marathon, I'm going to compile my observations & appropriate your commentary too #fairwarning #yoink

@arthurabland Damn, I kinda wish I wrote "appropriate your commentary as appropriate." #wordsarefun

∴ Doing Episode 2 & 3 back to back is hard. You still have the taste of the 2nd in your mouth for 3rd... Go ahead. Make the joke. I'll wait.

6 Jan

Yay it's Original Trilogy time! #EpisodeIV

"Commander, tear this ship apart until you find those plans and bring me the passenger, I want them alive!" #EpisodeIV #givesmechills

"You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor. Take her away!" #EpisodeIV

What... what's this that's happening... is that... acting?! From more than one or two people? Inconceivable! #wrongmovie

I like Darth Vader so much more when I have no idea why he's so angry #EpisodeIV

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Do they teach kids roman numerals these days? I'm guessing no. I distinctly remember my dad explaining to me that "IV" meant 4 #tangent

WHOA! HOW DID I GET A SPECIAL EDITION #EPISODEIV ON MY HARD DRIVE? BLASPHEMY! SHAME! PANIC!!!!!!!

*weeping* I just.. I feel.. I feel so ashamed.. *shaky breath* I have the un-fucked-with version in iTunes. I'll be okay *more weeping*

I threw my laptop off my lap and yelled "AAAH! NOOO!" I think I scared the girls. Yes, Battles, it's that important. #EpisodeIV

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir But... moving dewbacks! And awful CGI Jabba!

@arthurabland No... I'm gonna stay curled up under my blanket, crying quietly and wishing I could just make it all go away #damnyouLucas

Okay, going offline to find the un-fucked-with #EpisodeIV. And to get some crisis counseling.

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir But... Greedo! And that giraffe thing!

@arthurabland *shudder* I'm trying to move past this traumatic experience, stop dragging me back *goes to take another scalding shower*

"No, I don't think he likes you at all... No, I don't like you either." #EpisodeIV

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir Ponda Baba has an ass for a mouth. There. I said it.

Threepio's already so much more amusing than he was in 1-3. Y'know why? Lucas wasn't trying so stupidly hard to be funny.

So much acting! I can't handle it! #EpisodeIV

Okay, the Twin Sun Suite makes me tear up. Always has, and I suspect it always will #EpisodeIV

"An elegant weapon for a more civilized age"? Sounds like old-folk amnesia based nostalgia to me #EpisodeIV #Istillwantalightsaber

I can't argue the elegance of the weapon, but "more civilized age" is a little lofty, don't you think, Ben? #EpisodeIV

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir I'm not even sure it's that elegant. It's a laser you can poke at people.

@arthurabland Well, I guess it's like swords (stick 'em with the pointy end, anyone?)... the fighting style is elegant. The weapon just IS

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir Look, I saw the way those crusty old guys fight at the end. Elegant? Not so much.

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir But then, we all know how I feel about hokey religions and ancient weapons.

What's with Leia's accent on the message to Ben? I'm gonna say it's like everyone's "professional-talking-on-the-phone" voice #EpisodeIV

I bet millions Alderaanians think the ability to destroy a planet is pretty fucking significant next to the power of the Force #EpisodeIV

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir If that ability's so insignificant to the Force, WHY DID I JUST MAKE A GREAT DISTURBANCE IN IT?

Then again, Admiral Motti is finding the power of the Force pretty significant as well #EpisodeIV

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir Only thing the force made a disturbance in was Admiral Motti's neck.

@arthurabland That's significant! It's not like he could've made a counterpoint by using the Death Star to shoot Vader.

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir As I recall, Jedi are particularly vulnerable to lasers in the back.

The shot of Owen and Beru's corpses used to scare me when I was little #funfact #EpisodeIV

It looks like the Mos Eisley stormtroopers are wearing Ghostbuster proton packs.

Mos Eisley reminds me of the crap neighborhoods in Bahrain. Minus the droids.

"Han Solo. I'm captain of the Millennium Falcon"... and the first man I ever loved, the paradigm for all that have followed #EpisodeIV

After the Special Edition scare, I'm paranoid that I'm watching the wrong version. But Han just shot first. All is right in the universe.

GodDAMMIT Harrison Ford is so fucking sexy. Han shot first. Which is why Han would kick Indiana Jones' ass #debateforanothertime

No lie though, that's the only thing missing in my life- a rakish space captain.

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir Oh, I will have that debate with you, because it will be easy, because you are wrong.

@arthurabland Shenanigans. This will be resolved later, I promise you that (hmm maybe I'll watch the Indy trilogy next...)

Flonk2 @BigDamnHerosSir @arthurabland Indy is pure, rugged, manly adventurer. Han is a cowardly smuggling weenie.

@Flonk2 @arthurabland .......... Speak ill of Han Solo again, and it will be the last time you speak.

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid" #EpisodeIV

"Lock the doors" "And hope they don't have blasters" Aww, now I miss Dave Walsh.

Stupid 8AM formation resulted in no breakfast. Going to the NEX to get some snacks. And some coffee. #GameOff

"Wonderful girl. Either I'm gonna kill her, or I'm beginning to like her" #EpisodeIV

Okay. I have armor. If I get shot, it goes a long way to making sure the bullet doesn't tear up my internal organs. That being said...

What exactly is the point of stormtrooper armor? From what I've seen, it's completely ineffective at stopping blasters. #EpisodeIV

Considering blasters are all that seem to exist in the galaxy, why wear armor that doesn't stop them!? #EpisodeIV

"Look, your Worshipfulness, let's get one thing straight. I take orders from just one person: me" "It's a wonder you're still alive" #sass

"Do you know what's going on?" "Maybe it's another drill" The real Army is just like that, in case you're wondering.

Ah, #EpisodeIV... "We're awkwardly fighting with laser swords!"

Never get tired of Vader kicking Obi-Wan's robe once he kills him... "Is it dead?" #EpisodeIV

"Hear me, baby? Hold together." I used to say that to Clark (my car) all the time.

Once I get my motorcycle, I'm gonna make an X-wing pilot helmet to ride with. Why? Because I'm awesome.

I actually succeeded in finishing #EpisodeIV in less than 6 hours. Take that, The Army!

Somehow, Harrison Ford got hotter. How does he DO that?! #EpisodeV

What exactly is bacta? And can I get some of that? #EpisodeV

Ohhhhh... the kiss #awkward #EpisodeV

The downside to Star Wars in numerical order is there's so much wrong w/the new trilogy that it makes the old trilogy look like perfection

GOD I want to be a pilot. Once they fix my knee, that's my sole focus.

"Never tell me the odds!" #keytomypants #ifyoureHanSolothatis

"Captain, being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited" Fine, Leia. Get out of the way, then. It's enough to get *me* excited.

[[MEANWHILE]] Allen_Honest People who don't put their phones on silent when sitting around others are seated next to people who talk in theaters, in hell.

How long could Luke *possibly* have been on Dagobah? A month of training and you're a Jedi? No wonder the Empire wins this round #EpisodeV

Allen_Honest @BigDamnHerosSir seriously, I can't block pistol blasts but I'm a Jedi!

@Allen_Honest I'm not so good at moving rocks (forget X-wings!), but I'm a Jedi!

"I shall assume full responsibility for losing them and apologize to Lord Vader." #famouslastwords

Allen_Honest @BigDamnHerosSir what I've learned as a sith lord: no one can do their job, so I kill them and hope the next person does it better

@Allen_Honest I bet an SOP like that makes people try reeeeeeally hard not to fuck up

Allen_Honest @BigDamnHerosSir you'd think so... but not the case.

In case there was ever any doubt, Yoda was A THOUSAND FUCKING TIMES BETTER when he was a puppet #EpisodeV

Ten years between Episode 1 and 2 and Anakin isn't a full-blown Jedi yet. Two weeks, Luke's a Jedi. No wonder Anakin was pissed #EpisodeV

Oh Bob Anderson. I sincerely hope you know that you are largely responsible for me pursuing stage combat, unbeknownst to us both haha

Well, unbeknownst to me when I was younger, but knownst to me now.

I make this point again- the STORYTELLING done with the combat in #EpisodeV is phenomenal

I thought Luke made more of scene when he lost his hand. But his freakout is about "No. I am your father." #mymistake

WHY DOES NO ONE IN THIS UNIVERSE CARE WHEN THEIR LIMBS GET LOPPED OFF?!

I'd love to know Luke's reasoning behind "Yeah, I should let go and fall down this deep deep dark dark pit" #EpisodeV

I refuse to believe it was "This will lead me to a convenient antenna where Leia can find me." #EpisodeV

"An antenna which, of course, I will have no problem whatsoever holding on to with only one hand since, y'know, I'm short one." #EpisodeV

Damn lucky Bespin's atmosphere isn't poisonous or anything. Or not even poisonous! Thin would do the trick too #EpisodeV

I usually say "Hit it!" when I want people to go (a holdover from crew). I'm gonna start saying "Punch it!" #EpisodeV

Such good vocal work from James Earl Jones. "Luuuke. It is your desssstiny." #EpisodeV

"When we find Jabba the Hutt..." I'm sorry, does he GO anywhere? Did anyone think to check his palace? #EpisodeV

Did Luke just mispronounce Tatooine? #yesyeshedid #EpisodeV

If I ever lose a hand, I want one like Luke's, k?

Irv Kirschner, thank you for making my childhood a better place.

[[MEANWHILE ON TWITTER]] WstonesOxfordSt #bookfacts Cats cannot read unless they are expressly told to with the words 'Cat! Read that book, cat!'

It's been busy here-- starting #EpisodeVI, but I'm pretty sure it's gonna take all damn day to finish it.

I think the first half an hour-ish of #EpisodeVI (the beginning through the Sail Barge crashing) is one of my favorites in all of cinema

"You may dispense with the pleasantries, Commander. I'm here to put you back on schedule." #EpisodeVI #intimidating

"Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them." If I could Force choke people, I bet my troops would be EXTRA super motivated #EpisodeVI

"We shall double our efforts." "I hope so, Commander, for your sake. The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am." #EpisodeVI #soooogreat

Jabba the Hutt is ALSO a thousand times better as a puppet. As if there was any doubt #EpisodeVI

Hey, girl who just *made* me take off my headphones just as Threepio said "He's holding a thermal detonator!"... #dieinafire

What was Luke's plan if Leia had actually managed to get Han out of there? #justwondering

I mean, best I understand, that was never really the point... but I wonder what would've happened if they just walked out...? #EpisodeVI

I'm picturing Leia walking really slowly & making noise... "Goddammit, they just aren't gonna wake up, are they? Sorry, Chewie, we're out!"

Let's compare Salacious Crumb & Jar Jar Binks. Both obnoxious characters. However, SC is the right amount of annoying. Jar Jar... too much.

"I'm out of it for a little while, everybody gets delusions of grandeur." #EpisodeVI (I don't say 'delusions of grandeur' NEAR enough)

The sexual proclivities of Hutts is something that I've wondered about, but frankly disgust me even to start thinking about it #EpisodeVI

I love the tone on "I told you not to admit him!" It's clearly the "Fuck, dude, you have ONE job, is it that hard?!" tone #EpisodeVI

My motivations for getting in shape (after my knee's fixed) are two-fold. One: flight school. Two: Slave Leia costume.

Well, "more in shape", I guess. I'm in the fuckin' Army. I'm in pretty good shape haha. Just not "metal bikini" shape

Rancors are pretty fuckin' horrifying. In the books, on Dathomir, they ride rancors. Weird. #betterthemthanme

After reading Tales from Jabba's Palace, I feel much sadder for the rancor keeper after Luke kills the thing.

"Together again, huh?" "Wouldn't miss it." "How we doing?" "Same as always." "That bad, huh?" #EpisodeVI

"His high exaltedness, the great Jabba the Hutt, has decreed that you are to be terminated immediately" "Good, I hate long waits" #EpisodeVI

All I've learned from movies/TV (mainly Han Solo/Mal Reynolds) is that if someone's got you prisoner, be snarky. Then you'll make it.

"I used to live here, you know" "You're gonna die here, you know. Convenient" #EpisodeVI

Wait... Luke... Han DOES know you used to leave here. He's the one got you out in the first place! #EpisodeVI

I wasn't the only kid that hung off a diving board at an in-ground pool and pretended I could flip back up, like Luke..... right? #EpisodeVI

"You tell that slimy piece of worm-ridden filth he'll get no such pleasure from us! Right?" Chewie's agreement cracks me up #EpisodeVI

Y'know, now that I think of it, I *still* hang off diving boards and pretend I could flip back up. I still want to be a Jedi, what?

destinyrose10 @BigDamnHerosSir that's because you are a Jedi Walshie.

Yeah, first 36 minutes of Jedi... arguably my favorite in all of cinema

Why doesn't Yoda leave Dagobah? I mean, Luke found him, he could've worked with the Alliance, he could've helped, right?

Or, really, he'd probably just be a tiny green jerk to people and we'd have ourselves another Anakin Skywalker.

"I have a promise to keep to an old friend." You promised you'd finish your training, not that you'd visit his deathbed. Just sayin'

When I was little, I always thought "When 900 years old you reach, look as good you will not" was *so* amusing. Still kinda is. #EpisodeVI

"Master Yoda, you can't die." "Strong am I with the Force... but not that strong" #EpisodeVI

I'm sincerely hard pressed to think of a life lesson that I wasn't first introduced to via Star Wars

"No more training do you require. Already know you that which you need." #EpisodeVI #Ishouldrememberthat

I love Yoda's "check out this motherfucker!" laugh after Luke says "Then I am a Jedi" #EpisodeVI

Obi-Wan, why are you walking around the vines?! You're incorporeal! #EpisodeVI

Luke, exactly WHY "can't" you kill Vader? Too many happy memories of throwing the football in the yard? HE'S A STRANGER! #EpisodeVI

arthurabland Just woke up at 3 AM to find @BigDamnHeroesSir watching Return of the Jedi and tweeting it. Sometimes the world gives me lovely gifts

@arthurabland Hahaha glad I could be of use. Still working on finishing Jedi. The Army hates letting me watch movies.

"I don't know. Fly casual!" flycasual was the password for our wireless network when I lived in Brooklyn. Miss that apt & Sammy & Anjuli

Fairly confident that once I get my motorcycle, I'm always going to pretend I'm on a speeder bike chase on Endor

I sincerely don't understand all the Ewok hate. #EpisodeVI

arthurabland @BigDamnHerosSir According to an episode of How I Met Your Mother, level of Ewok hate is determined by the age at which one first saw them.

"Well, short help's better than no help at all, Chewie." I don't think I ever really heard that line before. #EpisdoeVI

"That's why you won't bring me to your Emperor now" *lightsaber snap-hiss* Luke's "... shit" look is nice #EpisodeVI

It's the look you get when you realize that everything's about to go to shit, like when you hear someone charge a weapon. Priceless.

I just can't believe Luke/Vader calling each other "Father/Son". Really? He's tried to kill you more than once, now he's dad?

And flip it! You've tried to kill him more than once! You cut off his hand! Now he's "son"?

WALSH FAMILY STORY TANGENT! My grandfather *hated* it when fathers called their sons "son". So, Grampa is in the hospital...

Like, two days before he died. My Dad and my brother are visiting; Grampa's asleep (or so they thought)...

My dad says to Tim "C'mere, son." My grandfather, on his deathbed, growls "What is this, goddamned 'Leave it to Beaver'?"

Dad and Tim crack up. Grampa growls and closes his eyes again. We're Irish- never more upbeat than when someone's dying, really.

<#EpisodeVI>

"Oh no, my young Jedi. You will find it is you who are mistaken, about a great many things" #EpisodeVI

Have I mentioned how much I love Ian McDiarmid? Because I do. Because he's amazing. #EpisodeVI

"Your overconfidence is your weakness." "Your faith in your friends is yours." #EpisodeVI

"Oh, I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive." #EpisodeVI #ACTING #payattentionHayden

The music that plays as Lando says "All wings report in", when they arrive at Endor? Fucking spectacular #EpisodeVI

IT'S A TRAP!

I want a sidearm holster like Han Solo's. Hell, I've gotta live in Texas for a while- I could wear it all the time, no problem.

Alright, stormtroopers-- they're little teddy bears hitting you with rocks. You can't handle this one?? #EpisodeVI

"Now witness the firepower of this full armed and operational battle station." #EpisodeVI

"That blast came from the Death Star! That thing's operational!" #EpisodeVI

Since I'm twenty-five years in love with Han Solo, I've been having an ongoing debate (with Rouch) about my feelings for Lando

He's just too oily, too used-car-salesman for me. I like my scoundrels straightforward.

Emily Rouch

Did you finish Episodes 4-6?

Sarah Walsh

I finished Empire. I wanted to start Jedi but it's 9 at night-- I'll never make it

I have a 9 AM formation in the morning, then I should be done for the day so I'll finish it then

after the new trilogy, the original trilogy seems like high art

Emily Rouch

You're falling a little in love with Luke, aren't you?

Sarah Walsh

Please. Han Solo is the only man I see in the original trilogy

the one, the ONLY

Emily Rouch

No love for Lando?

Come on.

Billy Dee just wants to love you on a Wampa skin rug.

Sarah Walsh

Meh, maybe one lonely night of space travel after too many shots of space tequila... Lando's just a little too used-car-salesman for my taste

I like my scoundrels a little less slimy than Lando

no, not slimy... oily

slimy is too hash

Emily Rouch

hehe

Sarah Walsh

which is like "harsh"

Emily Rouch

he brings his own lube.

Adds a whole new dimension to Astro-glide.

Sarah Walsh

wah wah wahhhhhhh

*jazz hands*

Harrison Ford is so fucking sexy as Han Solo... and when compared to how fucking wooden Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman were, Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher are astonishing... I hardly believed Anakin liked Padme. I completely believe Han and Leia are a book series away from having jedi babies

Sarah Walsh

which is my plan for life too, by the way... marry a rakish space pilot and have Jedi babies

Emily Rouch

I'll keep an eye out

Sarah Walsh

please do... I need me some rakish space pilot lovin'

Awww dead Ewok. Always makes me a little weepy.

Thank god I've got a lot of flying to do in the next couple days. I'm gonna reread the Heir to the Empire trilogy

You know, Heir to the Empire-- the trilogy that SHOULD have been made next.

I always loved the AT-ST getting smashed by the two swinging logs #modelsarebetterthanCGI #EpisodeVI

I hope Bob Anderson knows that every stage combat geek in the world has raised a glass to him this week #EpisodeVI

Have I mentioned [today] how badly I want to be a space pilot? #atleastthe50thtime

Okay, Vader, Luke's hiding under the stairs, pretty much out in the open. You seriously didn't see him? #EpisodeVI

I need to find a man who doesn't mind that one of my life's ambitions is to own and read every Star Wars book printed.

Vader's the ONLY one who gets a pass on not reacting when he lost his hand. It was robotic anyways. #EpisodeVI

... when he lost his hand *again*, that is.

"So be it. Jedi." You're in trouble now, Luke. #EpisodeVI

Yoda told Luke "Don't underestimate the Emperor." Maybe next time tell him "HE SHOOTS LIGHTNING FROM HIS FINGERS! LIGHTNING!" #EpisodeVI

That would ruin Yoda's streak of being more or less entirely unhelpful, however. Wouldn't want that.

Why did the lightning disfigure the Emperor in #EpisodeIII but didn't so much as singe Luke in #EpisodeVI?

I really hope someday I have occasion to yell "INTENSIFY FORWARD FIRE POWER!"

I hope just as fervently that someone around me is savvy enough to yell "TOO LATE"

That being said... what exactly did that Star Destroyer crash into? The super Star Destroyer? #EpisodeVI

If I want my Viking-esque funeral pyre (WHICH I DO), I will have to be burned in Minnesota. Makes no difference to me- I'll be the dead one.

Wow... so that's the end of the Star Wars saga, in numerical order.